Growing up I never had a lot of friends, and never a best friend. That was, until I met Dannie as a young man, when interest sparked after years of despising him as a little boy. And when I say despised, I don't mean that I hated him, just the mere thought of being anything more than casual friends (you can read more of our story here). We grew up playing together, with all our siblings, but we were never best friends. That was, until the end of 2011 and all of 2012.
We became inseparable in mind and friendship, obviously, because that friendship developed into much deeper feelings, which then resulted in marriage. But I have say, I don't think I would call him my best friend anymore. At this point, my mom is probably the closest best friend I've ever had, because Dannie is so much more. He's more than just my best friend, because he's my husband, which means he's also my lover, confidant, father of my daughter, leader, protector, etc. Friendship is definitely critical in a marital relationship, but it goes so much further than being best friends.
The marriage relationship is sacred. These days, I sometimes feel as if Dannie and I are mortal enemies rather then best friends, but that's just part of the process (and we got married so young that we still haven't quite grown up yet, hence irrational hormones and flaring tempers). We're learning to live together in harmony, despite flaws and imperfections which are many. It's a hard road, and I constantly want to give up (just being honest here). But because Dannie is so much more than my best friend, we keep pressing on to something bigger, grander, and higher. Friendships crash and burn all the time, and because everyone marries their "best friend," maybe that's part of the reason why so many marriages do too.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, one that should not be taken lightly, but so many people do. I did. I thought I was perfectly rational in embracing marriage so young, but I was blinded by emotion. I used to think Dannie was my best friend, until I did a lot of reading and studying on the marital relationship and realized I was aiming rather low.
Best friends have separate lives, while a spouse is bound to the other financially, physically, emotionally, and legally. True best friends are loyal, but a spouse is committed for life no matter what, "for better or for worse." Two people in a marriage relationship build a life together, and that entails so much more than being best friends!
Marriage is a constant sanctifying process that never ends, and God gave marriage a noble purpose of responsibilities way beyond any other human relationship, which then brings on the responsibilities of parenthood. No relationship is easy, marriage being even more difficult, but that's because it's supposed to be so much better in every way than any other relationship. So here's me saying that Dannie is not my best friend, he's so much more; he's my husband, life partner, and other half of my being.
I realized the other day that I'd forgotten to blog the pictures I did of Dannie and I on our 3rd year anniversary back in October, so what more fitting post than this!
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I'm a perfectionist, which is a huge downfall sometimes, and so many times I get frustrated at Dannie because he's not perfect, or isn't the way I'd like him to be. But it's okay to embrace our flaws, because that's what makes us human. True, strive to be more like Christ everyday, but don't have unrealistic dreams of a perfect spouse, because there isn't one. Cut up, let loose, and have some fun rejoicing in the fact that God made each of us in different ways, and we shouldn't put each other down because they're not our ideal. Too often I get extremely upset that I didn't marry my ideal man, and so I'll demean Dannie's attributes, even if it's unknowingly (or just not caring), when really, God knew what He was doing, because He gave me an even better man than I deserve. He's hard working and very loyal, which is difficult to come by these days. With Dannie I can be 100% Rachel- my sarcastic, goofy, try-to-be-funny, laugh-at-myself, red-haired-tempered-self that is usually hidden under an exterior of shyness, embarrassment, and appropriate and proper behavior. I'm totally an introverted extrovert, y'all.
